ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
