He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
