Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
