She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize