i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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