Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Please, let me fuck your mom
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
