I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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