my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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