Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
