you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
