I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
