Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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