are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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