i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
