Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
