Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
