so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
