Betty ford says i'm here all night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
