theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
