cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
