She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
