my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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