it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
