so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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