Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
