Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
