just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
