i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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