The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
