I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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