is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
