Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
