I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i came on her dog
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
