break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize