Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
