ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
