I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
