Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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