I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
