If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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