If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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