I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
