Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If that was your dad, he is hot
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
