He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
