I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
