We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
