Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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