It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
