Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
