my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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