I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
