I got chris browned last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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