I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
