I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
