DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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