so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize