thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
