Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
