it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize