Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
