Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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