There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
