i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
