You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
